We are having a baby! After 3 miscarriages, it feels surreal even typing those words. We’ve been praying for this for so long and no words can really capture the feeling appropriately. My heart feels like it may burst.
I am 18 weeks pregnant and baby Flurer is due to arrive September 12, 2020.
Our Journey to Parenthood
If you’ve been following for a while you may know our journey to parenthood began a little over 2 years ago and during that time I have had 3 miscarriages. You can read about my first and second miscarriages here. The third miscarriage happened last summer, and I wrote about surviving that here. It truly felt like I would never be able to sustain a pregnancy and some days this fear is still all consuming, but here we are. I am 18 weeks pregnant and feeling so, so grateful. I count everyday as a milestone and celebration of this little growing life.
When Did We Find Out?
In early January of this year I found out I was pregnant for the fourth time. With it came a wave of emotions. We were excited, but mostly terrified about losing another pregnancy. I truly did not think I could survive another miscarriage and I was wracked with anxiety. We found out super early (I was barely over 3 weeks pregnant!) and this made the wait to our first ultrasound at 7 weeks so agonizingly long.
I was able to get blood work early on that showed my hormones were progressing nicely. This gave us hope, but every time I went to the bathroom, I was sure I was going to see spotting.
How Did We Tell Our Families?
We had each of our families over when I was between 6 and 7 weeks pregnant. We wanted to tell them in person. Strangely I was very nervous about it, worried that our news would be met with excitement, but a lot of visible worry because of my history of loss, which I knew would only make my anxiety worse. I was very wrong and our families showed us nothing but support, love, and excitement, which lifted our spirits. Since then we’ve been slowly telling our friends.
What Do You Feel Like is Different This Pregnancy?
I think the primary difference was having my previously undiagnosed uterine septum removed in October of last year. A septum can be directly linked to recurrent miscarriage, and while we will never know for sure, I think this played a big role in allowing this pregnancy to grow properly. Additionally, I was seeing a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) prior to becoming pregnant this time and since I have “sub clinical” Hashimotos and hypothyroidism she was closely monitoring my thyroid levels, which were normal prior to my pregnancy. As soon as I became pregnant I had them tested again and they had surpassed the range my doctor wanted them in, so I started on thyroid medication right around week 4 of my pregnancy. Additionally, I was started on progesterone suppositories prior to ovulation and through week 14 of my pregnancy as well as taking 2 baby aspirin nightly. I also still followed a gluten free diet and limited other grains, not strict AIP as I had done before with my third pregnancy, but mostly focused on not eating gluten at all. We will never know what helped for sure, but regardless we are very grateful for this growing little baby.
FIRST TRIMESTER RECAP
After early blood work around 4 weeks, we waited anxiously for the first ultrasound, which was with my RE at 7 weeks. We found out our little babe was growing right on track (even a bit ahead!) and had a strong heartbeat. We were so relieved and happy but were still holding our breath as with my first pregnancy I had a missed miscarriage at about 12 weeks (baby was only measuring about 10 weeks), after we had seen the heartbeat. We had another ultrasound scheduled for the next week to make sure everything was still growing, but before we made it to that appointment, I started having spotting, so my doctor had us come in a few days early. Thankfully, everything still looked fine and there was no clear explanation for the spotting except for a sensitive cervix exacerbated by taking baby aspirin, which thins your blood. My RE was not concerned about the spotting and still “discharged” us to see our OB for our next appointment. I was told not to worry unless the spotting got worse. Only it was impossible not to worry because I had spotting or bleeding in each of my previous 3 pregnancies and they did not end well. Luckily, the spotting didn’t get worse, but I noticed it would come back if I overdid it (meaning walked too much), so I took it very easy until the appointment with our OB at 11 weeks. Luckily, we had a family trip to Florida during this time which helped the wait until the OB appointment feel a little less excruciating.
I wanted to note that I decided to switch OBs at this point. I hadn’t seen my previous OB for this pregnancy yet and all along I had a “gut feeling” (my mom and I are very fond of these) that I needed to switch. I found a new OB who came highly recommended and we were looking forward to a change of scenery since the ultrasound rooms at my previous OB held a lot of bad memories. Luckily, we LOVE the new OB and am very glad I trusted my gut. This is to say that if for any reason you feel hesitant with your OB (or any doctor) it is absolutely alright to find a new one! The people pleaser in me really struggled with this because I had been seeing my previous OB since I was 18. It was really no big deal to switch doctors, except all the paperwork. I don’t know why I built it up in my head so much.
Around 6-7 weeks the nausea and fatigue really kicked. I was only sick a few times, but I felt nauseous nearly all the time (typically 10am-6pm was the worst). I survived on carbs, salt, butter, chicken nuggets, and sour candy – though I did still manage to eat a fair amount of vegetables and fruit in the morning and for dinner, but during the day it was anything I could keep down. Thank goodness for gluten free snacks. The nausea definitely helped me feel a little less anxious about this pregnancy because the nausea was really all I could focus on and it helped me feel like a “normal” pregnant person. I didn’t really have any nausea with my first pregnancy (which is the only other time I was pregnant for this long) so I took the nausea as a very good sign.
We finally made it to our first OB appointment at 11 weeks. They had us do an ultrasound first thing, which I was very relieved about. Since are familiar with ultrasounds at this point, we were very quickly able to tell that our baby had grown (a lot!!) in the last few weeks, was wiggling, and its heart was beating away. It was a moment that took my breath away. I had never made it this far in pregnancy and this was the about when I started feeling like maybe this time it will be alright. I will never forget the tech; she was so sweet, and she even started tearing up and hugged me when we left the room!
After this first appointment it was determined I would be able to see the OB like regular – every 4 weeks from 12 until 28 weeks, then every 2 weeks until 36 weeks, and then every week until 40 weeks or delivery. This was great news to me! It also meant we got to meet with our OB again the next week for the 12 week appointment! At the 12 week appointment we were able to hear our little ones heartbeat on the doppler though it was faint, which can be completely normal at this stage in pregnancy, so our OB snuck us in for a free “for your nerves” ultrasound because though she was confident she found the heartbeat she wanted us to be able to hear it, which we very much appreciated. Again, everything looked fantastic. Though I was still anxious that I was going to lose the baby (and probably will be until the baby is born), things started feeling a little better emotionally and I started to get more excited. Physically, things started feeling a whole lot worse – the nausea ramped up and I was barely a functioning human for weeks. I kept reminding myself it is all worth it. I mostly slept and ate (the only thing that made my nausea go away). I kept hoping the nausea and fatigue would ebb after the first trimester around 14 weeks, but it stuck around for me solidly until week 17, as well as a raging round of headaches from weeks 15-17. Now I am into my 18th week and finally feeling a little more like myself and feeling the allusive second trimester “energy” everyone told me was coming.
That is where we are today. You may have noticed the blog was a little quiet the past few months and now you know why. Hoping I can take advantage now that I am feeling better and post more frequently again!
Thank you for following along with our journey and being so supportive along the way. The support I received after sharing about our losses meant to the world to me. If you have suffered a pregnancy loss, multiple losses, or are struggling to conceive my heart goes out to you. I know those feelings all too well and I am sending you comfort, strength, and hope along your journey.
